Getting Matched for Adoption! 35 minutes of having 4 children under the age of 3.

For 8 long months, it felt as if we would never be approved to become foster-to-adopt parents. It finally happened and we expectantly waited for "the call" for 9 full months. Then, we prayed through becoming foster parents, as well. All that time, I waited and waited to get "that call", the one where they said, "We have a healthy baby waiting for you to pick up at the hospital! Your baby is HERE!"

I waited for the moments of scrambling through the attic pulling out everything I thought we would need.

Of course, a lot has happened in the last 5 months of being foster parents. We are also expecting our 2nd baby and yes, have our amazing 3 year old. We are currently caring for a 1 year old little girl through foster care who more and more looks like she may be going towards adoptions. 

"The call" finally came. Today. Two days before Christmas. 14 months after initially getting approved.

As I saw the vaguely familiar 848 number pop up on my phone, I answered.

"Hi! This is so-and-so from Region II ADOPTIONS. We have a healthy white baby boy that you have been matched with born on December 21st.... insert more details about the birth mom relinquishing rights, not naming a father, etc."

"Wait, excuse me... did you say, ADOPTIONS? I'm not sure I heard you correctly!"

I quickly told her I would call her back after talking with my husband.

In disbelief, I turned to Hart and told him everything, fully expecting for him to say... really, Vanessa? NOWAY! (Like any normal sane person would!) We would call back and let the other 15 people in line get their chance at getting "the call".

You see, this last Wednesday, I sat across from B's brother's foster mom, who point blank asked for B's brother to be moved from her home due to things beyond this little ones control. Everything in me crushed. It's terrible to watch little lives being torn apart by the foster care system, to have yet another person fail them. I begged Hart to let me bring him home. I mean, he was B's brother!

Everything in Hart told him not to let me do it, and it was really hard for me to accept at first. I struggled as a wife with being able to agree, mostly because my motherly and emotional instincts told me that he was wrong. It eventually got to the point that I was just mad that I couldn't have my way, which isn't helping anyone!

Deep down, I knew that if Hart was sensing a NO, then I had to respect that whether I liked it or not. I've learned that God leads Hart differently than I. (Thank God!) Sometimes I can see ahead of the bends in the road and I can warn Hart. Other times, it's him that knows where to pull back or where to charge full force ahead. But, both of us know that if God is leading BOTH of us, then we will both have a peace that can only come from him. We don't move without God's leading in our lives, even if that looks completely psycho to the outside world.

So, you see, I was expecting for DSS to call me today. "We still have B's brother in a temporary placement. Any last calls on taking him?"

Definitely NOT, "you've been matched with a healthy newborn baby boy! Do you want him!?"

Before, calling DSS Adoptions back, we prayed together that God would quickly make it clear if it was NOT to happen. If we were not supposed to take a newborn baby as I enter my 3rd trimester, only in 3 months to start all over again with Judah, then we knew God would "slam the door shut" as they say.

For 35 minutes, I resolved that in 2014, we would have 4 children under the age of 3 (two of which were 3 months apart) that I would most definitely go on birth control, and that we would never sleep again.

It was almost as if, God was asking us "how far are you willing to go for me?" "Are you willing to look like fools to the world, if I ask you to?"

The answer is yes. Always yes, Lord. We will get out of the boat and walk on water towards you, even though it doesn't make any sense, even if everyone tells us we will sink, if you ask us to, we will do it! We will be fools for Christ!

The 2nd call back to tell us that family members on the birth mom's side stepped up to care for the little boy, born on my birthday, that I nicknamed in play "Jesus" (add accent over the U), really would have been crushing had we never stepped out in faith to be foster parents.

I've watched the pain when time and time again, God opens that door to waiting families, only to have it slammed shut in their face after months of preparation and walking deep roads with the birth families.

But, being a foster parent has taught me a dependence on God that can only exist when walking this path. Literally every day is a surrender to Him concerning our children. We lift B up to him. Nothing is for sure. We lift Judah up to Him. Literally nothing is for sure. We lift Cai up to Him. Literally nothing is for sure, except Christ.

I'm thankful that God answered quickly. "Thank you for opening your home and your hearts, for being willing." I'm thankful that God is always good. He always has our good in mind. I'm thankful that we didn't end up getting little baby boy, because I always want God's perfect will!

We were able to snuggle with our two lovely children tonight and cherish them for all that they are! We sighed some sighs of relief that we selfishly wouldn't have to part with lack of sleep for a few more months and gave thanks that this is where we are tonight, waiting in 3 months to meet the baby boy in my belly! I think until then, no more... really, people... we mean it this time!

We just like to make sure you are on the edge of your chair following this Traylor rollercoaster... ha!